I just rounded out another year with a birthday…the big 24 now….with that comes continued comments of “when ya gonna get married?” or “any babies coming soon?” The answer to those questions are “God willing and in his time, but not today.” I may only be a year shy of half-way-to-thirty…but I am mature for my age (judging by the actions of my peers and elders). In my seemingly short time here on earth so far, I have experienced a lot. Seen a lot. Been a lot of places. And got some education.
That being said, it irks me to no end when a middle-aged mom or dad says to me “Oh, you wait until you have kids. You’ll change your tune.” Or “just because you have all these child degrees, you think you’re smarter than me.”
Is it naïve of me to think that I won’t change my tune? Furthermore, is it stubborn of me to be determined that I won’t? Now I know that some of the irrelevant practices may change, but I can promise you there are some things that will remain the same regardless of the age I am when I have children. I can promise you this because I will not change, and my values will certainly not waiver.
A few promises to my children:
I promise to love you unconditionally. This means without a single stipulation attached. If I am your mother, the Lord has blessed me far beyond what I deserve or could ever dream of. He has entrusted me with your wellbeing and I intend to do my very best to raise you right. Nothing you could ever do could make me love you more or less. There will be times when I dislike you, I am certain of that, but loving is never in question.
I promise not only to love you unconditionally, but to show you that love unconditionally. This means that even if you make a decision I disagree with, I will do everything in my power to respond with love. If you happen to be gay. If you choose to date outside our race. If you become a teen parent. If you choose to ruin your health with drugs and alcohol. Through all of these things I will love you. And I will try my best to show that love to you, as Christ would. Your life choices are not my decision, once you hit a certain age. And I may have to show you tough love, but it will be love. I promise.
I promise to spank you. Not because I want to. Not because I feel like it. But to be used as a form of discipline. I will not harm you, but I may hurt your feelings. You will ask me why do I spank, and your friends parents may not do the same. But that’s okay. Everyone is different. Your grandparents spanked me, and I learned lessons easier for it. You will get similar treatment.
I promise not to sweat the small stuff. There are things that matter and things that don’t. I promise to determine the difference appropriately. You’re going to get dirty. You’re going to break things. You’ll color the walls and shave the dog and knock out your own tooth. But that’s okay. You’re a kid and you’re learning to be a good one. Love us, respect us, love Jesus, and respect yourself….the rest is small stuff.
I promise to teach you about the love of Jesus. As a child, your imagination will run wild and the stories in the Bible will come alive to you. That is amazing. That is wonderful. And the sooner you learn about the importance of Jesus, the better. Growing up in church will allow your faith to grow and mature with your body. How special is that?! The sooner you realize that you were put on this earth for a purpose, the sooner you can start figuring out what that purpose is.
I promise to let you be a kid. You will get to play and have fun. That’s what being young is all about. Computer screens and cell phones are for adults, and they hurt your eyes and probably contain carcinogens. Those things are not for you. Sorry, I’m not sorry. Go play. Outside. Inside. With friends and neighbors and cousins. Get dirty.
I promise to let you be independent. I’ve been there. I know you think you’re so smart, and maybe you are. But I can promise you one thing, you aren’t smarter than me. Now I will let you pick out your clothes, help around the house, and teach you to cook a meal. But never fool yourself into thinking that isn’t part of my plan. I am helping you grow up to be big and strong and not be dependent on anyone else.
I promise to always be honest with you. I don’t like secrets or surprises and if you’re a child on mine, you probably don’t either. I will tell you straight and you can trust me. Sometimes I may have to phrase things a little different in order for you to be able to understand, but I will do my best. I know you’ll ask me some hard ones….where do babies come from? What does it mean to pass away? Can I have a pony? How do I say “no” to my friends?….yes, these questions will come. And I will be patient with each one.
I promise to always be your Mama. This doesn’t mean I’ll always be your friend…because I know there will be times when we are not friends. But I promise that I will always be here, and one day, you’ll want to be my friend. And when that day comes, I’ll smile because I knew it was on the way. And I’ll be relieved that the tense times are behind us.
I promise to never take you for granted. You are a person, who was made in my body, given to me by our Lord. You are a blessing. Every moment that I have with you is one I will never have again. Each day is here and then gone. I promise to seize the day and cherish our time together. I promise to say thank you. For all you will ever do and help me with and give to me. You are special. You are beautiful. I will love you for as long as I am here.
These words are simple. These promises aren’t extravagant. But they are precious. And they are true. And I wish in my heart of hearts that each child born had these things promised and fulfilled throughout their lives. This is what each child deserves. I am not yet a mother, but the Lord willing, I will have a chance to put these thoughts into actions one day.